Scatalogical humor.

Scene opens on a disgusting gas station bathroom somewhere outside of Waco. 'Mom', a somewhat haggard looking young woman, badly in need of a haircut, and with a pounding headache, opens the door with great trepidation. 'Autry', two years old, had announced in the car that she needed to POOP! This despite the previous restroom trip of 10 minutes ago. The family pulled over, and 'Luke', 5 year old boy joins in. 'Dad' and 'Sierra' wait in the car.
Autry: Panicking because she is worried the toilets might automatically flush, even after being reassured that this bathroom is not that nice, "I made a mistake. I don't need to go anymore."
Meanwhile, Luke has begun his own epic poop.
Autry notices a dying roach on the floor and begins to circle it, crouching.
Mom's head pounds. The overwhelming stench of the bathroom is not helping things.
Autry: Why is it still moving? When it grows up I'm gonna put it in the car and drive it to it's family so it will be happy. It's so cute! It's gonna get bigger, then little again. Can I pick it up?
Mom: No. Don't touch ANYTHING in here.
Luke: Autry, it is DEAD. It is not gonna grow up. That's sad, right? Why do people draw on the wall? Probably 'cause they are kids, right? What does that say?
Mom: Umm...
Time slowly passes.
Woman walks in. "I LOVE her hair!"
Mom: Thanks.
Autry: She LOVES my hair. People love my hair, right? The cute bug is gonna be a momma like you when it grows up.
Luke: Not everyone is a momma or a dad, Autry. There are other jobs, too.
Mom: Are you done, Luke?
Luke: When I grow up I'm gonna be an astronaut two days a week and a scientist two days and on the weekend I'm gonna help my wife with the children.
Autry: I'm gonna be a bug swimming around in a cute little pond.
Luke: AUTRY! You can't do that! You have to be a human.
Autry: I would wave my magic wand and be a fairy to turn in to a bug. Is that a good idea?
Mom: Sure. Luke, are you done?
Two woman walk in. "Man, it's gross in here. Aww, look at that hair!"
Luke: I've got a lot of POOP!
Mom slowly rubs her temples while Autry circles around the cockroach once more.
Autry: I love this cute little bug. Can it fly like a fairy when it feels better?
More time passes. More people in and out of the bathroom. More comments on how disgusting the bathroom is / how great Autry's hair is. Mom thinks wistfully of her fresh cup of coffee growing cold in the car, wonders if Dad has started to worry yet. Autry is cheerfully singing a nonsense song, swinging around Mom's legs. About twenty minutes have passed.
Luke: I'm done!
Autry: I think I need to go poop now.
Mom: sigh.
Mom searches for toilet paper, helps Luke wipe, flushes, puts Autry on toilet.
Autry: Noo!! It is going to flush!! I changed my mind!
Mom helps Luke and Autry wash and dry their hands, thinking she is in the home stretch. Turns to leave.
Autry: I really do need to poop.
Mom rubs her temples, takes a deep breath, regrets it due to the smell, and sets Autry on the toilet.
Autry, panicking and making noises like a pig giving birth, finally manages to go to the restroom. Luke amuses himself with the dying cockroach and opening and closing the stall door.
Luke: You are holding her hands so she feels better and doesn't fall in, right? You didn't hold my hands, right?
Mom: Right. Please close the stall door.
Autry: AUURGH AHHH!!!
Luke: Is this wasting time? I love wasting time!
Mom, daydreaming about her Costco sized bottle of ibuprofen sitting at home, wipes Autry, washes hands again, wishes the cockroach (who she has secretly grown fond of) luck, and scoops the children out of the door. Scene fades to black.

Welcome to my world!!

Rose is back from Norway for a few weeks! Luke has asked her several times to describe how much she missed them. A lot, I think, although they have already managed to wear her out. Tonight Rose made dinner and helped me put the kids to bed because I am sick. It was great, because afterwards she was both to tired to talk and mad at Brian. It made me feel a little less alone. ;)

There is nothing crazy about owning a book of lists...

The other night we were getting the kids ready for bed, and I told Autry she had to go potty before she had her story. She refused, left, then came back in the room a few minutes later holding a book. Brian holds the book up for me to see - "Prudence's Potty". That's my girl - who needs to really do something when you can read a book about doing it instead?

flickr

I finally figured out how to add flickr, so enjoy...

Luke Skywalker

Luke just found out about Star Wars this week. In the past, when someone made the very original joke of, you know, "Luke, I am your father" I had to explain to them that his blank stare wasn't because their joke wasn't truly fresh and hilarious, but rather that he had no idea what they were talking about. I have seen little boys his age obsessing about Jedi this and that, but I wasn't worried about Luke missing out. He seems more interested in bugs, bats, and whales than epic galactic battles. But that was before I bought him a cute red shirt with C3PO and R2D2 on it and Jessie filled him in on the story of Luke, Darth Vader, and Wookies. So now that he knows the premise he desperately wants to see the movie. Problem is, he cried when Charlie Brown lost Linus's blanket and when Snoopy thought he had to leave the gang he was pretty much inconsolable. He's sensitive. He rarely cries, but when he does you feel like your heart is breaking right along with his. We don't know how he would process a story like Star Wars, not only the battles, but the fact that Luke is such a good guy, but his father is evil. It's hard to be a good guy in a rough world. Just ask Charlie Brown.